i used to fell pity to my self and was so afraid of facing the world with what i have and what i own. and think often sooo much of the "IF" in my life..what would people think of me out there and just then, i was afraid to face things by my own. i was not cool and i still am. but today, is the moment in my life when the light suddenly sparks in my heart and i am convinced.and i now notice how lucky one life could be.every single persons life is blessed and gifted for god is fair.its not what you are tested with,what you own, what will happen in the future,for all of those is beyond our control, but we can definitely chance how we see those and how we face them.
today, i open my eyes wide and i finally understand. and today.for only that reason,i AM happy for who i am. thank you soo much Allah for i can never ask for more these beautiful gifts u send me from the day i was born until now and the coming days with sincere and loving family and friends along the way. and for that Allah..i dare not ask more but i pray for you to please ,please the people i love and loves me ,protect them and let them stay by my side for as long as i live.
i am the happiest and lucky person,but all this time, i was blinded by those small black spots and i forget. so from now on, i will always live happily for what ever i have to face ,wipe off those black spots away and be thankful to you, Allah.:)
because after all, you have only one life to live
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
the people i want to grow old with
when i am with my friend, everthing is funny and i laugh hard, not because they tell funny jokes, but the happiness of sharing the moment with them.
i doent have the time yet to detail up each...will add soon when i finished up the crits!:( hehe!!
syifa-my vey 1st
Alia
sharifah
p.Farah
Sarah
Ruby-
Shila
Zu-care
Dayah-sincere
Wani-
Sano- share interest
Timah-argue:)
zalikha
farahhanna
k
Noni-understand
shaza-honest.very honest(apa g dia kata kat depan n belakang sama)
Wafa - trust
Azzah-experience
farah(penang)
sopi comfortable
nisa sincere
brunilda- accaptance
Elmi-life plan
Robek -enjoy
Jah'-respect
fadh-interesting
i doent have the time yet to detail up each...will add soon when i finished up the crits!:( hehe!!
syifa-my vey 1st
Alia
sharifah
p.Farah
Sarah
Ruby-
Shila
Zu-care
Dayah-sincere
Wani-
Sano- share interest
Timah-argue:)
zalikha
farahhanna
k
Noni-understand
shaza-honest.very honest(apa g dia kata kat depan n belakang sama)
Wafa - trust
Azzah-experience
farah(penang)
sopi comfortable
nisa sincere
brunilda- accaptance
Elmi-life plan
Robek -enjoy
Jah'-respect
fadh-interesting
when my dad is a lecturer
i never know how to deliver what i wish to say directly to a person face to face. and most of the time, i decided to swallow them. million of things runs through my mind and thousands of words are prison-ed in side me. i wish i could have the courage and casualty to say thing directly and straightforward to express what i have in mind.
i never really wish to be bubbly and good at talking. however, these people are always lovable in the sight of human. well, being loved by all is not my aim, but we are human, some small box in our heart seems just empty...empty and dull, when there isn't single human, a friend to rely on. well, however, i got to say how lucky i am to be blessed with such a wonderful family whom loves me and accept me for who i am.i'm loved.
....
its 4.21 am of 13.3.12 and i just woke up from a depressing evening and night which i make my self felt over a friend whom doesn't even realize what she said had made me felt this bad. Umairah, this is ur own personality problem! people says that its hard to control things that will happen to you but you can always change the way u respond to it.well. that is exactly where my problem is.'how to respond'.
days before yesterday, i've been complaining that the lift is not working and our studio is on the highest level and the need to go up and down many times a days. its tiring! and i ask my dad (for which is the lecturer in my schoool). he check up for me and being told by the department that the supplier does not have the tool for something with them that will take more than months and that is like WHAT!?
so, yesterday, when i was in the other lift with my friends, i told them about what i was being told, from my dad (as a spontaneous talking). ....and maybe what i deliver is not convincing?......well honestly i felt funny too but what to say... maybe its a cheap supplier(its not a heavy duty lift anyway)..... but than...one of my friend's respond has made me felt so down~!
"ayah kaw saja bg taw kaw utk bg taw kite org kan.?"
YA ALLAH!she has just touched my inferiority spot!not about my father again! for god sake NO! i take these people as my dearly true friends and when i'm with my friends,i dont fake my self!! and than, i realise..that maybe, i have never been considered a friend ...and when i say that..she sees me like a lecturer's daughter delivering the department message?. and maybe,(might be just the way i feel about it)...how do i say this..... .. she dont trust me?..well she has her own right not to trust me.but its heart breaking for me that i started to believe that they are the friends i want to grow old with...and they dont trust me?its just something that i thought of telling(since i found out).
and again, MAYBE she was just joking
when i 1st get into the foundation, i told my self not to stay in my dads shadow, i will work and be rewarded for who i am.but when ever i consulted, the lecturer will ask what my dad thinks about it simply because he is a senior lecturer..(when at home actually, we are not allowed to talk about work,so how would i know what he think?)..my dad is not the subject lecturer,you are!
and when i get into the 1st year,one of my close friend get to know about my dad(is the lecturer) and ever since, when he text me, he will only talk about my dad!!whos friend are YOU?!
and in the heritage team group, i have been elected as the sponsorship leader,which is again not on their trust on my capability, but ,all they have in mind is to make use of my dad to get connection!!ALL ABOUT MY DAD AGAIN!
dont they kknow we dont share the same life,same heart and same brain?! at home, he IS my dad, but in school, iam a student and he is a lecturer(and i never am his student) so how are we related in school?!
and they thought that he is super rich!trust me,he is not. we live a normal life(we dont starve,i get to eat good things and travel sometimes) but he is never rich. he is a public servant and all he do in his life is to stand up for the public right, plan city future planning (in public welfare) and most work wont make u rich!so stop the perception that my dad is rich and i am spoil. if i am spoiled, its because of my dads love,but not money.so since then, i always keep my self apart from the lecturers and schoolmates(whom loves to mention about my dad)
and at some point. i was greedy hoping that i might have true friend whom are sincere to me and definitely accept me not for my dad.BUT FOR WHO I AM.and until now, i still am greedy. i still wish that one day, they (my friends) can accept me purely as who i personally am.:)
hehe! felt somuch better to say out things..
sebb pa taw kan mairah klaw sedih ka sensitip on certain things ssh gila nk ckp kat org.:(
u know how bad i am in expressing my words and feeling.haihhhhhhhhh..oh!td mairah baca
kawan mairah kata kat fb self-pity is our worst enemy. and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.-maybe betui!! ok. bila pikir balik mairah gila sensitip kn!;)
i never really wish to be bubbly and good at talking. however, these people are always lovable in the sight of human. well, being loved by all is not my aim, but we are human, some small box in our heart seems just empty...empty and dull, when there isn't single human, a friend to rely on. well, however, i got to say how lucky i am to be blessed with such a wonderful family whom loves me and accept me for who i am.i'm loved.
....
its 4.21 am of 13.3.12 and i just woke up from a depressing evening and night which i make my self felt over a friend whom doesn't even realize what she said had made me felt this bad. Umairah, this is ur own personality problem! people says that its hard to control things that will happen to you but you can always change the way u respond to it.well. that is exactly where my problem is.'how to respond'.
days before yesterday, i've been complaining that the lift is not working and our studio is on the highest level and the need to go up and down many times a days. its tiring! and i ask my dad (for which is the lecturer in my schoool). he check up for me and being told by the department that the supplier does not have the tool for something with them that will take more than months and that is like WHAT!?
so, yesterday, when i was in the other lift with my friends, i told them about what i was being told, from my dad (as a spontaneous talking). ....and maybe what i deliver is not convincing?......well honestly i felt funny too but what to say... maybe its a cheap supplier(its not a heavy duty lift anyway)..... but than...one of my friend's respond has made me felt so down~!
"ayah kaw saja bg taw kaw utk bg taw kite org kan.?"
YA ALLAH!she has just touched my inferiority spot!not about my father again! for god sake NO! i take these people as my dearly true friends and when i'm with my friends,i dont fake my self!! and than, i realise..that maybe, i have never been considered a friend ...and when i say that..she sees me like a lecturer's daughter delivering the department message?. and maybe,(might be just the way i feel about it)...how do i say this..... .. she dont trust me?..well she has her own right not to trust me.but its heart breaking for me that i started to believe that they are the friends i want to grow old with...and they dont trust me?its just something that i thought of telling(since i found out).
and again, MAYBE she was just joking
when i 1st get into the foundation, i told my self not to stay in my dads shadow, i will work and be rewarded for who i am.but when ever i consulted, the lecturer will ask what my dad thinks about it simply because he is a senior lecturer..(when at home actually, we are not allowed to talk about work,so how would i know what he think?)..my dad is not the subject lecturer,you are!
and when i get into the 1st year,one of my close friend get to know about my dad(is the lecturer) and ever since, when he text me, he will only talk about my dad!!whos friend are YOU?!
and in the heritage team group, i have been elected as the sponsorship leader,which is again not on their trust on my capability, but ,all they have in mind is to make use of my dad to get connection!!ALL ABOUT MY DAD AGAIN!
dont they kknow we dont share the same life,same heart and same brain?! at home, he IS my dad, but in school, iam a student and he is a lecturer(and i never am his student) so how are we related in school?!
and they thought that he is super rich!trust me,he is not. we live a normal life(we dont starve,i get to eat good things and travel sometimes) but he is never rich. he is a public servant and all he do in his life is to stand up for the public right, plan city future planning (in public welfare) and most work wont make u rich!so stop the perception that my dad is rich and i am spoil. if i am spoiled, its because of my dads love,but not money.so since then, i always keep my self apart from the lecturers and schoolmates(whom loves to mention about my dad)
and at some point. i was greedy hoping that i might have true friend whom are sincere to me and definitely accept me not for my dad.BUT FOR WHO I AM.and until now, i still am greedy. i still wish that one day, they (my friends) can accept me purely as who i personally am.:)
hehe! felt somuch better to say out things..
sebb pa taw kan mairah klaw sedih ka sensitip on certain things ssh gila nk ckp kat org.:(
u know how bad i am in expressing my words and feeling.haihhhhhhhhh..oh!td mairah baca
kawan mairah kata kat fb self-pity is our worst enemy. and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.-maybe betui!! ok. bila pikir balik mairah gila sensitip kn!;)
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